Do you ever find yourself wondering each time you date or like a cute guy and it doesn't work out, why, why, why can't it work out? I do every time.
I realized the answer as I was thinking of the experience I had when I was first applying for internships for my first degree. I interviewed with a couple different big internships that I really wanted and was turned down for them. I started to feel discouraged and rejected. I was so sad and thought something is seriously wrong with me and I am not going to ever find an internship and I am not going to be able to graduate. There was a smaller company that had offered me an internship and I was deciding that I should probably take it because it was better than nothing, and I needed an internship in order to graduate. But then, just when I was deciding to accept the offer, I received an offer to have my dream internship--it was the biggest place, the one internship I would have chosen over all the others, including the ones that I was so sad about being turned down for. I had thought there was no way they would ever hire me because it was such an incredible and coveted internship.
So, of course I immediately accepted and had the greatest experience at that internship. I looked back and thought "thank goodness the other places turned me down because I would have accepted one of their lesser offers and, although I would have been happy for the moment, I would have been sad in the long run to have missed out on an even better internship, my dream internship."
So, I think it's the same with dating. Instead of getting discouraged when things don't work out the way we want, we have to remember that there's something better for us out there and we'll be glad later that things didn't work out how we originally planned. I've already had many experiences where I looked back at guys I dated, and although they were great guys I think "thank goodness it didn't work out."
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Friday, March 30, 2012
Life's Practical Jokes
Last post I mentioned how this week has been so great and happy part of that was because I got over one of the last stupid crushes that I had. I was so glad and was just saying to heaven thank you that I was finally over that one and feeling so happy. While I was doing that I was wondering how I ever let myself like a guy who doesn't like me back and thought "It's nice that I don't ever see him, and if that one were meant to be I'd at least run into him every once in a while or something." So, then I walked outside, looking ugly and frumpy I might add, and guess who I saw standing there talking with some people--yep. So after I rushed by, turning my head in the opposite direction and wanting to be invisible, I just looked up to Heaven and said "You may think this is funny right now, but it's not!" because I started to feel sad again.
But then as the day went on it became funnier so that when I went to tell my roommates what had happened with the intent of making them see how sad it was, I accidentally made the story sound really funny and I was laughing and they were laughing, and it was so hilarious that they could not see anything sad about the situation. Then my roommates reminded me of all the pranks I've played on them and I realized that I deserved a practical joke from Heaven, and I guess I can see now that it really was funny, that's just how life is sometimes. If we can take a terrible, awkward situation and turn it into a chance to laugh, life is so much better! So I guess it really can be good when life plays practical jokes on us.
I'm gonna figure out this Ingrid Michaelson song "Oh What A Day" on the uke, because it describes how I feel:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UGvfTn8W1AY
But then as the day went on it became funnier so that when I went to tell my roommates what had happened with the intent of making them see how sad it was, I accidentally made the story sound really funny and I was laughing and they were laughing, and it was so hilarious that they could not see anything sad about the situation. Then my roommates reminded me of all the pranks I've played on them and I realized that I deserved a practical joke from Heaven, and I guess I can see now that it really was funny, that's just how life is sometimes. If we can take a terrible, awkward situation and turn it into a chance to laugh, life is so much better! So I guess it really can be good when life plays practical jokes on us.
I'm gonna figure out this Ingrid Michaelson song "Oh What A Day" on the uke, because it describes how I feel:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UGvfTn8W1AY
Things Are Looking Up
I wrote this a couple days ago and forgot to post it...
Do you ever feel that it's hard to move past the current crush you are stuck on, like trying to see the sunrise at 3 am, or trying to see the sunlight through a wall with no windows? This is a common occurrance for me, yet no matter how many times it happens, I still have a hard time picturing that the sun is still out there shining behind that wall.
The other day I ran into a guy I dated who I once felt that way about. After I had broken up with him I remember it made me sick inside just to think about him, and yet last week I ran into him and I didn't even recognize him at first when he said hi to me, even though he hasn't changed much but he was so far from my thoughts that I just hadn't expected to see him, and when I did, it was good. There was no sick feeling in my stomach and no strong attraction. We didn't have much to talk about but I realized that I am happy where I am in life and I could honestly just be friends with him without feeling attached or attracted to him in that way anymore. It was a liberating feeling and it helped me realize that I could soon feel the same way about a different crush who I was trying to get over at the time.
Today was a part of that liberation. I feel happy and hopeful and ready to move forward with my life. (And once I get over a crush, I don't ever go back to liking them, I guess I just have too much pride to take a guy back) The thing that helped the most--prayer, friends, and serving others. I also talked with a few different people who are going through such difficult times right now and I realized I am so fortunate and don't appreciate how much I have been blessed with, and I am not the only one with trials, we all have hard times. So, things are looking up, even though love hasn't look up at me yet :).
Do you ever feel that it's hard to move past the current crush you are stuck on, like trying to see the sunrise at 3 am, or trying to see the sunlight through a wall with no windows? This is a common occurrance for me, yet no matter how many times it happens, I still have a hard time picturing that the sun is still out there shining behind that wall.
The other day I ran into a guy I dated who I once felt that way about. After I had broken up with him I remember it made me sick inside just to think about him, and yet last week I ran into him and I didn't even recognize him at first when he said hi to me, even though he hasn't changed much but he was so far from my thoughts that I just hadn't expected to see him, and when I did, it was good. There was no sick feeling in my stomach and no strong attraction. We didn't have much to talk about but I realized that I am happy where I am in life and I could honestly just be friends with him without feeling attached or attracted to him in that way anymore. It was a liberating feeling and it helped me realize that I could soon feel the same way about a different crush who I was trying to get over at the time.
Today was a part of that liberation. I feel happy and hopeful and ready to move forward with my life. (And once I get over a crush, I don't ever go back to liking them, I guess I just have too much pride to take a guy back) The thing that helped the most--prayer, friends, and serving others. I also talked with a few different people who are going through such difficult times right now and I realized I am so fortunate and don't appreciate how much I have been blessed with, and I am not the only one with trials, we all have hard times. So, things are looking up, even though love hasn't look up at me yet :).
Monday, March 26, 2012
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Friday, March 23, 2012
Thursday, March 22, 2012
What Not to Say to Singles
I'm really grateful for supportive friends who offer their encouragement and advice about being single, but every once in a while I hear some funny things that just really are not helpful. I thought I'd share some of these so people can know what not to say to single people.
The Most Frustrating Comment:
Nothing is more frustrating than when you're talking to guy, especially when it's a cute guy who you would love to date, and he says "You're so amazing, I don't get it, why aren't you married?" and yet this guy won't even take you on a date. I want to answer in one of three ways: 1: punch him in the face, 2: ask him "I don't know, you tell me--because obviously there must be something seriously wrong with me if you won't even take me on a date as a friend, let alone date, me, let alone marry me," or 3: Maybe because every guy I know is like you and won't even give me a chance.
The Not-So Flattering Comment:
When I was even younger and hadn't even reached the average national age that women usually marry, I would have guys always ask me "how did you slip through the cracks?" I tell them that I haven't slipped through any cracks. Just because I haven't gotten married yet does not mean that I am a hopeless, fallen case, but thanks for the not-so flattering comment.
The Depressor:
One time I was standing by a single friend who is older than me when a married person came up to her, grabbed her by the arm, and started crying on her shoulder saying "It'll be ok, let me tell you about a friend of mine who was single..." and she proceeded to cry and tell some sad story of a single woman who finally found love. I was thinking "wow, I was feeling pretty good about life, but now I feel completely depressed." This is not helpful.
The Funniest Comment I've Heard Yet:
We who have been single for a while have heard it all, and my personal favorite is when people start telling you about all the young men who have died in wars who are going to need wives in the next life. This is definitely not what a single person wants to hear. But the best comment I have heard was made to a friend of a friend, when someone came up to her and told her that many men over in Ethiopia have died. So this person is basically saying that this girl's only chance for marriage is to a skinny little man on the other side of the planet, who has a completely different culture and language, and is dead. Do people who say these things honestly thing this is comforting or helpful in some way?
One Last One:
Singles struggle with their self esteem enough as it is, since we each feel like the last one picked to be on the team, like the one person that the team captains passed by because we weren't wanted, so it is really not helpful when married people who happened to be lucky enough to find their spouse really easily, tell us all the things they think we are doing wrong and how we should all try to do what they did. The funny thing is that each situation is different and everyone's advice is different, and we singles have basically tried it all, so what works for one person isn't going to necessarily work for someone else, it has a lot to do with personality, situation, and timing. So, while we appreciate your helpful advice when it is in our best interest, we really don't need to hear criticism.
So basically it comes down to this, we really are normal, happy people so please just treat us like your normal friends.
The Most Frustrating Comment:
Nothing is more frustrating than when you're talking to guy, especially when it's a cute guy who you would love to date, and he says "You're so amazing, I don't get it, why aren't you married?" and yet this guy won't even take you on a date. I want to answer in one of three ways: 1: punch him in the face, 2: ask him "I don't know, you tell me--because obviously there must be something seriously wrong with me if you won't even take me on a date as a friend, let alone date, me, let alone marry me," or 3: Maybe because every guy I know is like you and won't even give me a chance.
The Not-So Flattering Comment:
When I was even younger and hadn't even reached the average national age that women usually marry, I would have guys always ask me "how did you slip through the cracks?" I tell them that I haven't slipped through any cracks. Just because I haven't gotten married yet does not mean that I am a hopeless, fallen case, but thanks for the not-so flattering comment.
The Depressor:
One time I was standing by a single friend who is older than me when a married person came up to her, grabbed her by the arm, and started crying on her shoulder saying "It'll be ok, let me tell you about a friend of mine who was single..." and she proceeded to cry and tell some sad story of a single woman who finally found love. I was thinking "wow, I was feeling pretty good about life, but now I feel completely depressed." This is not helpful.
The Funniest Comment I've Heard Yet:
We who have been single for a while have heard it all, and my personal favorite is when people start telling you about all the young men who have died in wars who are going to need wives in the next life. This is definitely not what a single person wants to hear. But the best comment I have heard was made to a friend of a friend, when someone came up to her and told her that many men over in Ethiopia have died. So this person is basically saying that this girl's only chance for marriage is to a skinny little man on the other side of the planet, who has a completely different culture and language, and is dead. Do people who say these things honestly thing this is comforting or helpful in some way?
One Last One:
Singles struggle with their self esteem enough as it is, since we each feel like the last one picked to be on the team, like the one person that the team captains passed by because we weren't wanted, so it is really not helpful when married people who happened to be lucky enough to find their spouse really easily, tell us all the things they think we are doing wrong and how we should all try to do what they did. The funny thing is that each situation is different and everyone's advice is different, and we singles have basically tried it all, so what works for one person isn't going to necessarily work for someone else, it has a lot to do with personality, situation, and timing. So, while we appreciate your helpful advice when it is in our best interest, we really don't need to hear criticism.
So basically it comes down to this, we really are normal, happy people so please just treat us like your normal friends.
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