Red Flags

Here are just a few red flags to look out for when dating someone:

Too Many Differences
-You don't share any common interests: If you find yourself no longer pursuing the things you love and are changing to do only what the other person loves you're not being true to yourself
-You don't have common life goals: Do you have different ideas about how to live, how to raise a family or what your standards and expectations are in dating?
They make you lower your usual standards to meet theirs
-They want you to do something you're not comfortable with
-The guy doesn't offer to pick you up
-The guy doesn't plan dates in advance in the early stages of the relationship
-The guy never talks on the phone, but only texts
They only want you alone
-You don't want to introduce them to your family or friends after you've been dating a while for fear of what they may think
-They don't express interest to meet your family or friends or introduce you to theirs after dating for a while
He doesn't pay attention to you when he's with you
-They're constantly on their phone when you're with them
-They have to leave to answer calls
-Won't hold your hand in public
-If they don't ask you questions about yourself and really make an effort to get to know you, they're probably not really into you as a person
Lack of motivation
-He has a lack of motivation-whether it's career wise, education wise, or lack of planning dates or wanting to go do fun things
-You're only watching movies: If he's not taking you out places and doing things once in a while that you enjoy doing then it's going nowhere good
Moves Too Fast
-They're too clingy in the beginning before they really know you.  This can be a sign of a lack of self control and you can bet he'll leave you and cheat on you just as fast as he tried to jump into a serious relationship with you
You don't see them being a good future parent

New Year and New Beginnings

Taken from a radio broadcast:

Faith Points to the Future

Whenever we start something new-whether it's a new year, a new day, a new project, or a new goal-it typically means putting an end to something old. Even when it's a positive change, it can be hard to let go of the familiar past and step into an uncertain future. But while we certainly can't live in the past, we can always learn from it. Jeffrey R. Holland expressed this truth in these words: "We look back to claim the embers from glowing experiences but not the ashes. . . . Then we look ahead and remember that faith is always pointed toward the future."¹

Faith is believing and hoping that no matter how things have gone in the past, they can get better. Faith is forward-looking; it empowers and inspires us to action; it moves us to do more and to become better.

This kind of faith is robust and realistic; it is not a fairy tale or make-believe. Consider the great challenges throughout history that have been overcome by courageous people-including yourself! Yes, you've made it through tough times and done hard things before. With that ringing endorsement from the past, you can face the future with faith. An overwhelmed new mother knows she can become a good mom because, if nothing else, she has learned how to love. A first-semester college student knows she can tackle a busy term because she has worked hard and managed her time before. A man bravely battles a crippling illness because he knows this is hardly the first challenge he has faced.

Even if the new year, new day, or new challenge seems more difficult than anything you've faced before, the fact that you've come this far reveals that you have it in you to succeed. Draw strength from the past, but don't get stuck there. Look to the future with faith, and remember that the seemingly small victories you collect now are laying the foundation of great success in the future.

1. "The Best Is Yet to Be," Ensign, Jan. 2010, 24.

Do the Little Things Really Matter?

Recently I tried an experiment.  I've always been careful to date the guys who treat women with respect and who treat people well.  I only date guys who are kind, caring, and gentlemanly.  I know that the big things are important in a relationship, but I wondered, is it really that big of a deal if the guy does or does not do the little gentlemanly things like open the door for you to get into the car?
I thought maybe I've been shallow in not giving a guy like that a chance.  Maybe he just doesn't know or maybe he has other qualities that I am overlooking because I am focused on the little details.  So for the first time in my life I gave a non-gentleman a chance.  He turned out to be selfish and trashy.
Coincidence?  Maybe.  But seriously it does show a point that the little things like that can matter, not because it's a little thing but because it is an indicator of greater things.
I'm not saying to count out any guy who doesn't get your door for you, maybe he just doesn't know you like that, but I am saying that you need to look deeper behind the reasons for the person you are dating's daily actions.  And it's not just doors, you see it in other small things that add up to be big things once you unravel more.
Trust me, the person who does not do respectful things, will not be respectful.  If you put up with it, it's putting up with McDonald's drive-through for your fancy birthday dinner, when you could be at a nice Italian restaurant with someone who gets your chair for you.  The choice is yours and trust me there are plenty of good people out there to be had so throw the bad ones back.  Sometimes (and I am not excusing people's bad behavior or saying it's anyone else's fault but their own, but) sometimes people do not treat others with respect because people let them get away with it.  Do not put up with it.  Tell him or her, dump them, or leave them because it is not worth it.  Everyone deserves to be treated well--women and men.

Iron Man

Thought of the Day:
The movie Iron Man 3 was right about one thing:
Never believe a man when he says "I promise I'll catch you."
Hahaha, just kidding, but seriously if the guy is a player like Iron Man, then don't believe it. :)

For Those Who Wait

For Those Who Wait
Performed By, Firelight


This is for those who wait

Another day another waiting game
A little different but it's still the same
I am here but where's the one I'm longing for?

I'm having troubles feeling all alone
Will my heart ever find a home?
I want to hope but sometimes I just don't know
I know I'm not the only one

So you sing a lullaby
To the lonely hearts tonight
Let it set your heart on fire
Let it set you free

When you're fighting to believe
In a love that you can't see
Just know there is a purpose
For those who wait

I want to open up my eyes
I know that all I need is time
I'm growing stronger every single day

God, I'm gonna leave them to You now
Letting go all of my fear and doubt
I can't do this on my own, so I'll give You control
I know I'm not the only one

So you sing a lullaby
To the lonely hearts tonight
Let it set your heart on fire
Let it set you free

When you're fighting to believe
In a love that you can't see
Just know there is a purpose
For those who wait

The pressure makes us stronger
The struggle makes us hunger
The hard lessons make the difference

The pressure makes us stronger
The struggle makes us hunger
The hard lessons make the difference
And the difference makes it worth it

So we sing a lullaby
To the lonely hearts tonight
Let it set your heart on fire
Let it set you free

When you're fighting to believe
In a love that you can't see
Just know there is a purpose
For those who wait

Let it set your heart on fire
This is for those who wait

Don't Know How I Landed On This Movie Set

Please tell me how this is even possible--there is a couple that goes to my church and they are the most PDA couple in the entire congregation.  Obviously I try to avoid sitting behind people like this, especially lately since I have been in a really anti-dating/anti-boys/anti-anything to do with love kind of mood, but no matter what I do or where I go, they always come and sit right in front of me.  I'm not even exaggerating, I'll try sitting in the front, on the side, in the middle, on the other side and they're nowhere in sight when I sit down.  Then, from out of nowhere they always come sit down right in front of me.  They don't even know me, they've never even seen me but I feel like I'm good friends with them because I have to sit there and look at them every week, every meeting.  The other day we went to a baseball game with our church and guess who comes and sits right in front of me.  This past Sunday I sat on the very back row where I haven't sat before and I was relieved to see that they sat 2 rows in front of me finally, instead of right in front of me.  This was good because someone would of course sit between us and would block them from my sight, and someone did come come sit there, however it happened to be a funny guy who has special needs and he just stretched out and lied down across the whole row of seats between us so it was like there was no one there.  It's becoming like some kind of a sick joke, or maybe it's a sign that I just need to sit on the front row or something.  Anyway I think it's funny and it made me think of this song I love that Hunter Hayes sings:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rxBEAZYEJk8

True Advice

"If someone wants to be a part of your life, they'll make an effort to be in it.  So don't bother reserving a space in your heart for someone who doesn't make an effort to stay."

"Wait for the boy who would do anything to be your everything."

Awkward Moments

"That awkward moment when you realize you have a better chance at finding Waldo than a boyfriend."
"That awkward moment when you see 9 year olds with boyfriends and girlfriends and you're still single."
That really awkward moment when you attend the wedding of the girl you babysat and you're still single.


Yep, this pretty much sums up my life :)

When it Rains, it Pours...All Types

There is some unexplained mystery in the universe that I don't understand.  There will be these long spans where no one asks me out and then all it takes is one day one guy asks me out and it breaks through the cursed drought and then suddenly it's like some message is sent out in the universe that the curse has been broken and all sorts of guys start asking me out at the same time.  It's always like this, all or nothing.  Sometimes I wish they could just come one at a time, but it never seems to happen that way.  What causes this is such a mystery to me, it almost feels like all the guys are plotting together haha. 

But in this craziness I have not had time to blog for a while, until this week where I am back to my drought of no dates and I have decided to veto life for the week.  So, since I have time I thought I'd share a bad date/(so bad I don't even count it as a date) that I had a few days ago.  Even though most of my dates have been great, I share this as a funny story and a reminder of what not to do.

So a guy asked me out on a date.  He started out great--called in advanced and had a plan, or so I thought.  He asked me to go to a movie-which I must say is not a great first date idea because it's hard to get to know someone that way.  But I was fine with it.  Then he gave me 6 suggestions of movies we could see.  I told him I would love to see any of the 5, but the only one I didn't want to see was "Snow White and the Huntsman".  And, just a couple days before this I had been talking with him in a group of people and talking about how much I did not want to see this movie.  So the next day he came to pick me up.  He said "Is it ok if we go see Snow White and the Huntsman"?  In my head I thought "Really?  The only one I did not want to see?  I'm not trying to be picky or selfish because I liked all the other suggestions and said I would see any of the other ones."  But then I thought the movie might not be as bad as it looked in the previews, so I thought I should give it a shot, so I said "ok."  So this was strike 1.  Then it turned out we were going with a group of friends so we met at another friend's house and it was then I found out that it was a double showing and we wouldn't be home until 3 am.  I told my date that I needed to be home by midnight, so I could only stay for the first show, to which he replied "I'm gonna stay for both shows."  Strike, Strike.  So, I was going to be stuck without a ride, 20 miles from my house in the scariest neighborhood in the entire state, where you basically need a bullet-proof vest to walk through.  Fortunately, a cuter guy who I don't even know offered to give me a ride home.  At the movie I had ended up paying for my own ticket, so I was only too happy to leave early with the other guy.  Oh, and did I mention that my date talked about himself the whole time--I asked him lots of questions and he didn't ask me questions back.  No one should have to put up with a "date" like that.

All it takes is simple basic life and gospel principles: Be unselfish and thoughtful.  That's what it takes to have a successful relationship, even if you have zero dating skills-you will be successful if you both put the other person's needs before your own.  Be interested in the other person's life and wants and needs.  If you do this, you will be a successful dater.

Do Girls Go for the Nice Guys?

I think it's funny that I started this blog at the one time in my life when I am dating the least amount I've ever dated, but I guess that's why I actually have time to blog right now  :)  I feel like it's getting kind of boring though and my random dates haven't been really post-worthy so that's why I haven't posted in a while. 
I had to post this article though that one of my guy friends shared on facebook yesterday.  It's called "Why do Nice Guys Finish Last".  It does a pretty good job explaining the difference between a "nice guy" who comes off as weak and guys who ARE nice.  We like guys who are nice.  Some of us girls don't go for bad boys or the players and games, so just keep being nice, boys.  We just like a guy who has confidence to be himself because like this article says, girls don't want just a nice guy, they want a great guy :).  As a girl I can tell you that we do appreciate it when guys are nice.  For example, this week, since I am moving, a guy offered to help me move stuff.  This was really nice.  It earned tons of bonus points and made my respect for him go up evern more.  So it's true that we do like it and notice it when guys are nice to both us and those around them.
Here's the article:

http://www.askmen.com/dating/dating_advice_600/608_why-do-nice-guys-finish-last.html

Thank Goodness it Doesn't Always Work Out

Do you ever find yourself wondering each time you date or like a cute guy and it doesn't work out, why, why, why can't it work out?  I do every time. 
I realized the answer as I was thinking of the experience I had when I was first applying for internships for my first degree.  I interviewed with a couple different big internships that I really wanted and was turned down for them.  I started to feel discouraged and rejected.  I was so sad and thought something is seriously wrong with me and I am not going to ever find an internship and I am not going to be able to graduate.  There was a smaller company that had offered me an internship and I was deciding that I should probably take it because it was better than nothing, and I needed an internship in order to graduate.  But then, just when I was deciding to accept the offer, I received an offer to have my dream internship--it was the biggest place, the one internship I would have chosen over all the others, including the ones that I was so sad about being turned down for.  I had thought there was no way they would ever hire me because it was such an incredible and coveted internship. 
So, of course I immediately accepted and had the greatest experience at that internship.  I looked back and thought "thank goodness the other places turned me down because I would have accepted one of their lesser offers and, although I would have been happy for the moment, I would have been sad in the long run to have missed out on an even better internship, my dream internship."
So, I think it's the same with dating.  Instead of getting discouraged when things don't work out the way we want, we have to remember that there's something better for us out there and we'll be glad later that things didn't work out how we originally planned.  I've already had many experiences where I looked back at guys I dated, and although they were great guys I think "thank goodness it didn't work out."

Life's Practical Jokes

Last post I mentioned how this week has been so great and happy part of that was because I got over one of the last stupid crushes that I had.  I was so glad and was just saying to heaven thank you that I was finally over that one and feeling so happy.  While I was doing that I was wondering how I ever let myself like a guy who doesn't like me back and thought "It's nice that I don't ever see him, and if that one were meant to be I'd at least run into him every once in a while or something." So, then I walked outside, looking ugly and frumpy I might add, and guess who I saw standing there talking with some people--yep.  So after I rushed by, turning my head in the opposite direction and wanting to be invisible, I just looked up to Heaven and said "You may think this is funny right now, but it's not!"  because I started to feel sad again.

But then as the day went on it became funnier so that when I went to tell my roommates what had happened with the intent of making them see how sad it was, I accidentally made the story sound really funny and I was laughing and they were laughing, and it was so hilarious that they could not see anything sad about the situation.  Then my roommates reminded me of all the pranks I've played on them and I realized that I deserved a practical joke from Heaven, and I guess I can see now that it really was funny, that's just how life is sometimes.  If we can take a terrible, awkward situation and turn it into a chance to laugh, life is so much better! So I guess it really can be good when life plays practical jokes on us.

I'm gonna figure out this Ingrid Michaelson song "Oh What A Day" on the uke, because it describes how I feel:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UGvfTn8W1AY

Things Are Looking Up

I wrote this a couple days ago and forgot to post it...

Do you ever feel that it's hard to move past the current crush you are stuck on, like trying to see the sunrise at 3 am, or trying to see the sunlight through a wall with no windows?  This is a common occurrance for me, yet no matter how many times it happens, I still have a hard time picturing that the sun is still out there shining behind that wall.
The other day I ran into a guy I dated who I once felt that way about.  After I had broken up with him I remember it made me sick inside just to think about him, and yet last week I ran into him and I didn't even recognize him at first when he said hi to me, even though he hasn't changed much but he was so far from my thoughts that I just hadn't expected to see him, and when I did, it was good.  There was no sick feeling in my stomach and no strong attraction.  We didn't have much to talk about but I realized that I am happy where I am in life and I could honestly just be friends with him without feeling attached or attracted to him in that way anymore.  It was a liberating feeling and it helped me realize that I could soon feel the same way about a different crush who I was trying to get over at the time.
Today was a part of that liberation.  I feel happy and hopeful and ready to move forward with my life. (And once I get over a crush, I don't ever go back to liking them, I guess I just have too much pride to take a guy back)  The thing that helped the most--prayer, friends, and serving others.  I also talked with a few different people who are going through such difficult times right now and I realized I am so fortunate and don't appreciate how much I have been blessed with, and I am not the only one with trials, we all have hard times.  So, things are looking up, even though love hasn't look up at me yet :).

How Do I Love Thee?

http://www.lds.org/new-era/2003/10/how-do-i-love-thee?lang=eng&query=love+thee%3f+(name%3a"Jeffrey+R.+Holland")

Great Article: The 5 Types of Guys Who Make Great Husbands

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/charli-penn/the-provider-the-rock-you_b_1373274.html

The Faith to Marry

http://www.lds.org/ensign/1987/07/the-faith-to-marry?lang=eng&query=dating+decision

What Not to Say to Singles

I'm really grateful for supportive friends who offer their encouragement and advice about being single, but every once in a while I hear some funny things that just really are not helpful.  I thought I'd share some of these so people can know what not to say to single people.

The Most Frustrating Comment:
Nothing is more frustrating than when you're talking to guy, especially when it's a cute guy who you would love to date, and he says "You're so amazing, I don't get it, why aren't you married?" and yet this guy won't even take you on a date.  I want to answer in one of three ways: 1: punch him in the face, 2: ask him "I don't know, you tell me--because obviously there must be something seriously wrong with me if you won't even take me on a date as a friend, let alone date, me, let alone marry me," or 3: Maybe because every guy I know is like you and won't even give me a chance.

The Not-So Flattering Comment:
When I was even younger and hadn't even reached the average national age that women usually marry, I would have guys always ask me "how did you slip through the cracks?"  I tell them that I haven't slipped through any cracks.  Just because I haven't gotten married yet does not mean that I am a hopeless, fallen case, but thanks for the not-so flattering comment.

The Depressor:
One time I was standing by a single friend who is older than me when a married person came up to her, grabbed her by the arm, and started crying on her shoulder saying "It'll be ok, let me tell you about a friend of mine who was single..." and she proceeded to cry and tell some sad story of a single woman who finally found love.  I was thinking "wow, I was feeling pretty good about life, but now I feel completely depressed."  This is not helpful.

The Funniest Comment I've Heard Yet:
We who have been single for a while have heard it all, and my personal favorite is when people start telling you about all the young men who have died in wars who are going to need wives in the next life.  This is definitely not what a single person wants to hear.  But the best comment I have heard was made to a friend of a friend, when someone came up to her and told her that many men over in Ethiopia have died.  So this person is basically saying that this girl's only chance for marriage is to a skinny little man on the other side of the planet, who has a completely different culture and language, and is dead.  Do people who say these things honestly thing this is comforting or helpful in some way?

One Last One:
Singles struggle with their self esteem enough as it is, since we each feel like the last one picked to be on the team, like the one person that the team captains passed by because we weren't wanted, so it is really not helpful when married people who happened to be lucky enough to find their spouse really easily, tell us all the things they think we are doing wrong and how we should all try to do what they did.  The funny thing is that each situation is different and everyone's advice is different, and we singles have basically tried it all, so what works for one person isn't going to necessarily work for someone else, it has a lot to do with personality, situation, and timing.  So, while we appreciate your helpful advice when it is in our best interest, we really don't need to hear criticism.

So basically it comes down to this, we really are normal, happy people so please just treat us like your normal friends.

Believe the Impossible is Possible

"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." Hebrews 11:1

This chapter in the New Testament tells the story of Sara, who was told by the Lord that even though she was ninety years old, she would have a child.  Even though this was a physical impossibility, she had faith in the promises of the Lord, and as a result, that promise came true.

After Lazarus had been dead for 4 days, his sisters had the faith that the Savior could still help him, and Lazarus was raised from the dead.
So when the future's looking bleak, remember what Jesus said in Mark 10:27 "with men it is impossible, but not with God: for with God, all things are possible."

And in the words of singer Rachel Platten:

"So slow down, there's some kind of blessing here...
So keep your eyes set on the horizon
On the line where blue meets blue
And I'd bet that silver lining,
Well I know it'll find you soon."

Bravery is Impressive

Today I want to thank all those brave guys out there who ask women out.  I have a lot of respect for them and the tough job they have which takes a lot of courage.  Way to go men!  I was happy to recently learn about a brave guy, who I have a lot of respect for.  He is a great example of the type of guy that girls are impressed by.  This guy has dates with 4 different beautiful women this week.  You'd think this guy is one of those confident guys who has everything going for him, right?  Actually, this guy is autistic, has no job, and is in a position where most men would lack the confidence to ask girls on dates, yet he has more dates than any guy I know.  How does he get these dates?  He simply has the confidence to ask, and that is impressive to girls.  He realizes that a date is not any type of scary commitment, it is just a chance to have fun and get to know someone.  I am really grateful for guys like him.
I don't blame the guys who are scared to ask a girl out because that's got to be intimidating, but I think the following situations are funny that I've encountered over the past couple weeks:
*The guys who call to ask you out but when you don't answer, they hang up without leaving a message and never call back.  If we knew, we'd return the call. 
*The guy who acts upset when you see him and you're very confused until one day you discover he's been trying to text you months before but he had the wrong number so you never knew.
*The guy you would have gone out with but you're legitimately busy that day and although you genuinely tell him you'd would like to go out another time, he never calls again.
*The guys who text you all the time but never ask you on a date.
*The guys who don't even try any of the above
Keep on being brave men because women love it!
 

I'm finally blogging!

This blog is designed to share insights and funny experiences about the life of singledom. Hopefully those who are in the same boat can relate to and laugh with these posts, and realize they are not alone in experiencing all the rough times and awkward moments that can come with being single. I hope readers can also realize that this time of life can be full of great stories, fun times, and lots of laughter. I should forewarn you that there may be some occasional venting, but hopefully not too much. :)